Writers In The Storm

A bit of bippity-boppity-boo dust, the help of two sisters, and a dress with sparkles turned my special needs daughter into Cinderella last night. Prom night.

Cameras, strobe lights, hip hop, line dancing, off-key Mamma Mia choruses, a live band, Italian cuisine, friends holding hands, hugs, and laughter. Something every mother wants her child to experience.

Ten years ago, I struggled to accept the reality of my daughter’s special needs. Developmentally delayed? Mentally retarded? No, not my child. The wheelchairs, faces of Down syndrome young adults, and awkward dance moves would’ve unmasked my fears, revealing the concrete reality that my child’s future would be different.

But last night amidst the disco lights I envisioned a brighter future for my daughter. One with people who invested in her life-the workers in the college transitional life skills program who put together the event, the musicians who volunteered their time to enrich the kids’ days, the parents who daily walk beside their kids, the siblings who cheer them along. And the friends. Other young adults who know their struggles, accept them, and love them.

Throughout her life she’s had friends, but they were there for a season, until they “outgrew” her. Kind kids, but they didn’t have special needs, and their lives moved on. Bethany always seemed to be left behind looking wistfully at the dust of long-gone friendships.

These kids who bounced around the dance floor with her last night will probably never outgrow her. They genuinely like her. She finally fits somewhere.

My local newspaper comes out once a week and, even on a fat news cycle, still numbers less than twenty pages. The pages include headlines, local sports, police blotter, scouting news, school awards, obituaries, classifieds, and a colorful array of opinions. This past week, with Easter on the horizon, the local churches were out in full force.

A full-page ad appeared by a group that touted a Leadership Training seminar. The viewer seems to loom over a picture of the Leadership Strategist. I see a cross-wait, those are intersecting I-beams being hauled into place on the new building. If the word Easter hadn’t been mentioned, I wouldn’t have known it was Christian. Turns out the Leadership Strategist is also the pastor.

Oh, it’s a church. 

Hmmm.

So I went to the website. When I finally found the statement of beliefs I found a charismatic church with many beliefs to which I say, “Amen!” and many with which I shall agree to disagree. I have asked God to reveal Charismatic principals to me, if they were of him, and if they were for me. Since I haven’t been given such knowledge, I’m confident in not pursuing a church with that theological bent.

Some of the Core Values of the church I found disturbing. Valuing such intangibles as Biblical Success or
Biblical Prosperity. These terms leave me vaguely uncomfortable. I have a corporate history, success is measureable in Leadership-ease, otherwise, how do I know when I’ve achieved it?

Do I have to set Biblical Success goals? Biblical Prosperity goals? If so what do these look like? I’m guessing it’s not how many bible verses I can utter on cue. As one of my favorite bible teachers said, we Christians tend to form our firing squads in a circle. I don’t want to be the first to pull that trigger.

If Jesus is happy, I’m happy. I have enough of my own to answer for, I don’t need someone else’s baggage. But as an outsider, it seems to focus less on our Lord and more on what I get from my deity.

Fear is mounting out there. It seems that everyone I know is afraid of something, whether economic news, political news, or personal difficulties. Each person’s fear tunes to a slightly different frequency.

1 John 4:18 tells us: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Yet throughout the bible, writers admonish us to fear the Lord. Those who do not are held up as examples of foolishness, wickedness, and evil. The fear of God signifies blessing, devotion, and wisdom.

If you’re going to worry, why pray? If you’re going to pray, why worry?

A simple approach to the matter neatly summarized in two questions. I remember early in my walk a mature Christian telling me that fear, or worry, was a sin. I had my own list of sins for which I had thankfully been forgiven, and worry hadn’t been on the list, nor did it break the top 100. I had to give that one some thought.

Fearing the Lord means understanding His divine nature. Thus, it is the beginning of wisdom (Psalm 111:10). When I know who my maker is, awe is justified. When I love Him perfectly, as Christ did, fear evaporates. I’m still here, in my original-issue body, with unrepentant hearts beating nearby, in a fallen world. Nothing about me is perfect on this side of heaven.

I get that certain twist in my knickers about the state of the world. But my husband is quick to remind me, that if the world were perfect, if it seemed to be getting better, if we, as humans, were sorting things out in a way that was truly just, loving, or honorable, well, then, my bible would be in error, my God, a liar, and my faith a waste of time.